40 Days and 40 Nights

The season of Lent is a time of prayer, penance, and preparation for the future celebration of the resurrection.  This is the most sacred of times in the Christian calendar, and by far my most cherished of holiday seasons.  This time of year is especially important to me as a time to reflect, spiritually, personally, and professionally....a conscience "spring cleaning" of the mind and soul.

I hadn't thought much this year about how I planned to make this year special.  I have never been a fan of giving up cookies, social networking, or text messaging.  These vices are silly things that we did without before, and can do without after.  For me to feel the true and utter void of something in my life, I need to have something that MEANS something to me.  As much as I enjoy nosing around wedding pictures, reading emotional rant status updates, or just the friendly "chitchat" text message, these aren't the ties that bind in my life.

This year for Lent, I am giving up my walls.  These self-preservation mechanisms that have kept me guarded for so long, are now my killer, because once the flood waters of tears and fears cross over the barriers, they flood the inside, and your protected enclosure has now become your drowning vessel.  These walls are no longer my haven, and are no longer necessary.

This year for Lent, I am giving myself.  Yes, I have a promise to becoming a better friend.  I am going to spend 40 days and 40 nights listening, soaking up the information I have missed, and am focusing on another person instead of myself.

This year for ME, I am making a change.  I am taking the plunge, a BLIND LEAP, of faith.  I am moving forward into 2012 as if it is MY YEAR.   I am focused on the small picture, but I am fully aware of how the story ends:  Me, in a casket, wearing a black dress, with a smile that no mortician had to paint on.  I wouldn't say I am better, because I am not, but I have recently been given the gift of motivation.   I have no intention of losing that.

I've got 40 days of praying, fasting, dreaming, and planning ahead of me.

Tomorrow might not be a good day, but today the sun is shining....and it will always eventually come out again.